I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
