you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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