i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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