so explain again why im purple
no
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it's like iHOP with fire
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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