So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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