I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
