I want to make a zoo with you.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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