If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
