My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
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she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
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She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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