yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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