only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
