So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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