The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
