i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
