so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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