is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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