Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
