i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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