hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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