True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
