Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
