If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize