I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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