Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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