Just fell off a train. Bad.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I want her autograph on my taint
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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