She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
