I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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