I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
