i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize