Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
