I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
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i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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