Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
