I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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