Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
