So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
