I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
