Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
