this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
