my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
