I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
