HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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