I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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