Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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