you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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