I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
