I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sacagawea was the original milf.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
