one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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