I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
