I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
How's work?
Spinning.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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