brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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