i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
pray to the hookup gods
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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