Your face is a jimmy john
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
