Im at strip club and am horny
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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