I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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