Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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