so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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