Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
