Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
