I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
