I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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