Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
sex in a hospital.. check
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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