Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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