took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I want her autograph on my taint
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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