dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
