Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
His hands were made for my vagina.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
