Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
