a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
ok first of all what the fuck
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