You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
