Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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