I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
