KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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