Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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