Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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