is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
