I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
