You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Liz is crying about burritos again.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
