Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
