No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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