i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
